----Chester Bennington
Last night I stayed up 'till about 4 in the morning. It's probably going to be the same tonight since I'm getting into a habit of sleeping when I come home from school. While I was awake I decided to talk to a really good friend of mine, who had moved to Hawaii a few years back. It had been a while since we had talked; mostly because for the past few months every time I tried to talk to her she was in a bad mood. But last night (technically this morning) was different. We joked, laughed, and made each other feel special, or at least thats what I had felt. She's an amazing person, like a sister to me.
I slept for 2 and a half hours then woke up, took a shower, brushed my teeth and what such. After getting dressed I immediately fell back asleep, and woke up at 7:31. Luckily I was able to make it to the bus stop in time, before sitting down in the silence for 10 minutes as we were driven to school. I went to breakfast like I normally did, and sat there completely too tired to say hardly anything. The kid next to me had a hangover and the girl next to me was talking to her friend across the table.
Today, school was uneventful to me. All day my mind was somewhere else, although I had acted like I was full on focus just so I wouldn't get in trouble by my teachers. 1st period, I day dreamed while almost blindly taking my quiz. I did the same thing 2nd period. 3rd period I attempted to pay attention, but I couldn't. I just did whatever she told me to do and had my group copy it so they could feel smart when they got their 100. At lunch I sat with the usual people, and talked with them about random useless things. When 4th period came around, I did the same; did my work without anything being said, and to be honest, with hardly any effort. My mind was taking me over. Constant images of "What if's" played through my head as if it were a movie. I don't know how to explain it, I guess I was just lost in my imagination. Things I want to happen. Things I can only wish could happen. All of it was the same: Love.
I came home and took my nap from 5 to 7 as usual. When I woke up I had left overs for dinner and went back to my room. I spend most of my time in here, since there hasn't been a decent time to go outside and "play" since the 90's. It's like everyone I grew up with just disappeared. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I never went back to California. My life was completely terrible there, nothing good came out of the 3 years we lived there. I wonder if I would be happier or worse. But I guess everything has to happen for a reason, right? No one is for sure.
I was scrolling through face book when all of a sudden a certain someone got on; one of my childhood friends. I haven't talked to her in years, besides for the occasional hello every few months. Seeing that smiley face icon told me that she still was my friend, none the less, and it will aways be that way. I was feeling happy, for the first time today.
I had decided to talk to my Ex, which always seems to be a terrible idea. I don't know how she feels anymore, because every time I talk to her I just can't help but remember what we used to have. Up until this moment I had thought I had moved on...but she said something to me. I'm not going to say what it was, but when she said it, it tore my heart into pieces. I was thinking that I had moved on, but talking to her and finding out that I was never enough, even when I tried my hardest, and I never had a chance...it was heart breaking. A part of me just wanted to scream and ask why. Ask her about the past...tell her that...after all that had been between us...I still have feelings for her. And it kills me that every time I have ever had feelings for someone the same thing happens: we split apart.
I'm sorry for the massive amounts of emoness on the page, I'm just speaking what I feel. I hope to one day find that person who wont leave me behind, but I guess school is all I'm going to have to look forward to until then. So, I guess thats all I have to say about today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I guess theres only one way to find out.
Until tomorrow, Isaac.
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