It's Thursday...Almost Friday...

"Today 10,000 kids died from hunger. Do I care about this drama? 1 death; tragic drama. 10,000 deaths; statistics. Long live humanity."

---------Comment I found on YouTube.com

This morning I woke up to the words "Isaac, it's 7:30." For a split second I jumped up about to run to the shower when I realized that I was on a 2 hour delay from school, which meant 1 more hour of sleep was left for me. I stayed in bed not wanting to get up because I stayed up last night until about 2:00 not being able to sleep for reasons unknown. After a while I had got up, took a shower and what such, got dressed and went back to sleep. It was about 8:15 when I got out of bed and found my aunt Jackie in the kitchen with my baby cousin, realizing that they had just came from the airport. I said my hello's and gave hugs before making a pot of coffee and heading out the door at 9:00 for school. The first thing I found out was there was no breakfast, so I had to sit in the gym with the other 700+ students. After sitting with some of my other friends that I was lucky enough to find a seat on the bleachers by, we were released to our shortened 1st period. I hate that class the most. Not only have I barely learned anything in that class because the teacher assumes that no one knows what "Google" is, but she takes off points for everything and anything just for a small mistake like typing "of " instead of "if." That and because she knows that Computer Apps. 1 isn't worth anything and is supposed to be an alternative class for kids who need one. After dealing with my bitchy teacher I went to third period because our schedule is always messed up when there is a time adjustment. Third period was extended to 2 hours because that is the period that lunch was served, even though it was still 11:30 in the morning. After all of that, I went to a 15 minute second period, were the teacher did nothing but show us a power point presentation of pictures of really expensive cars. After that I went to a normal, 45 minute Digital Electronics class. Today was good because today was the day we got to catch up on work, which I needed. After I did that we had all linked up and played Halo 1 on a local LAN connection on our computers.

I came home after an overall, satisfying day of school. I walked in my room, and eventually fell asleep. Not for long though, because I heard someone talk about making a trip to Wal-Mart, and I wanted to go. I ended up not going because too many other people wanted to go and we didn't have enough room in the car. I watched an old episode of "House" and fell asleep again, waking up later to make some coffee and select what I wanted for dinner. After singing happy birthday to my step mom and eating some cake, I came back here to my room to watch some Sxephil and eventually type this post.

So now that I have talked about my day, it's time for the daily topic. I asked a really good friend of mine, Aerial, about a serious topic that may be effecting our generation today, and her views on it. She brought up the subject of abortion. We both talked briefly about it, having the same views and sharing a common story, we were both almost aborted as fetuses. She had this to say:

"IT IS TERRIBLE!"

I'm pretty sure that you can see her opinion on the subject. I want to hear yours. What do you think about the subject?  Please leave your comments in the section below, you can sign in by using any G-mail account.

Until tomorrow, Isaac.

Back To Normal

"Alright maggots, listen up! Popo is going to teach you the packing order. It goes you, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, then Popo."


--------Mr. Popo



Today, I woke up with a wonderful good morning text from a wonderful person, got up and took a great shower, and because it was raining my mom had offered to drop me off at school instead of going to the bus. What does that mean? A wonderful extra hour of sleep! So I took my extra nap, went to school and sat down with wonderful people and ate a not-so-wonderful breakfast. I laughed and had fun with the people I have come to grow on, and who have grown on me.

I went to first period, which sucked. nothing but a teacher bitching out to you isn't fun, especially if it's only because the class isn't worth anything. Second period was funny. I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom and he said "Sure." So I go up to the bathroom and open the door and a wall of smoke just hits me in the face. There was 5 black kids in there smoking weed and laughing. I turned and walked away, laughing but also disappointed because I couldn't use the bathroom. Third period was fun, we were talking about the old western civilization. We had to make a criminal "Wanted" sign of ourselves with a list of legit crimes and  a price on our head. My crimes ranged from littering to stealing a baby to robbing banks to murder to Founding the Federal Reserve. My reward money was $1,000,000,000 and it also said "Wanted alive for execution." I thought it was comical and turned it in. My teacher thought so too. Fourth period I actually spent doing work in that class, mainly because the work in that class isn't boring.

I has rained for the past three days in Fayetteville and they say it isn't showing signs of stopping soon. Tomorrow I have a 2 hour delay for all the rain, because it has been piling up. More sleep for me, so I'm happy about that. Also my Aunt Jackie and my baby cousin are coming for a visit, and I love then like I love the rest of my family, and that is a lot.

So, I guess it's time for a question of the day. The question of the day is: Is our generation too "ignorant?" This question comes from a good friend of mine. I asked him for examples. He said the following:
"Rule breaking, lying, stating the obvious, denying the obvious, getting mad over simple things no one can control, not respecting the elders, and more."

I asked about his views on the subject and he said, "Later, I need sleep." So I guess the rest is up to you. What do you think? Is our generation really as ignorant as my friend had stated, or are we better than that? I would like to know what you think. Please leave a comment below about your views on this subject. All  you have to do is sign in using your Google/YouTube account and you can leave comments and follow.

That's all I have to say for today. Until next time, Isaac.

Friendship

"An evil exists that threatens every man, woman and child of this great nation. We must take steps to ensure our domestic security and protect our homeland."

-------George W. Bush?
-------Adolph Hitler.

Today I went to school like I always did, sat with my friends, went to class, and enjoyed my day. I was happy for the most part, spreading my love with the other people around me. First period: typing exercises. Second period: setting up a display case in the main hall. Third period: Benchmark test, easy. Forth period: using Multisim to create and find flaws in made up circuit boards (troubleshooting). When I got home I didn't do anything except for mess around on my Xbox and computer. Overall, a chill day.

But I don't want to leave it as this. I want to make a subject to talk about. Friendship.

Over the years I have made many friends, in which I am glad to have. I didn't really notice them until recently, and I'm sure I have a lot more noticing to do. Friendship to me is a bond between two people, but not as powerful or as influenced by love. It can make, or break someone. A person doesn't have to have eye to eye points of view with, they can be almost opposite from you. I asked a good friend of mine, Brandon, what friendship meant to him. He replied saying this:

"Hmm, I believe that a true friendship is a bond you have between someone whom you care for deeply, and would do anything for. Someone whom you would put yourself in pain just to make them feel the slightest bit of happiness. Overall, a person who you are more than happy to share your life with."

I believe these words, and I would much appreciate it if you would tell me what Friendship is to you. 

I don't have much else to say, since my life as "That Kid" wasn't interesting today. So I leave you with that question. Also, if you didn't get a chance to read any of my other blogs, the links are down below. If you would like to join my daily journal, please follow me by clicking on the follow button. You can even make your own account and spread your views for free. Please leave a comment, and share with me what our generation really thinks. 

Until tomorrow, Isaac. 

There Are People

Today, I woke up at 4:00 Am. I did not fall back asleep, nor did I have the ability to. This morning was probably the most depressed I have ever felt in months, probably in years. I looked at what was going on, what was happening. I felt as if the whole world just didn't need me. I looked at my family members, the ones who will love me forever. I knew for a fact that even though I can always count on them, I felt as if there was a distance between me and them. I suppose it's my fault. I started looking at my friends, or at least the people I had called friends. Filtering through cruel and unusual thoughts, even for me. I was upset, at everyone. Upset at myself, at what I had become. I didn't realize that I had changed from what I had been just months ago. January through June of this past year was almost perfect. The other half of this year? Well, something has gotta even it out, I suppose. Every day I feel as if the world is crumbling around me, and for so long I have been blaming it on myself. Holding it in. A good friend of mine told me last night, "I have a feeling you out a LOT of sugar on the things you say, so that you barely say what you really mean." At first I didn't think it was true. This morning I looked upon my actions on the way I talk to other people, and how I use my words with other people, and I have come to find that I have been hiding from what I had been. There is a certain someone who told me I had changed, that I used to be a lot better. And I refused to believe it until just recently, and I have her to thank.

But this morning I wasn't thinking of all that. I was looking at all the things going on, what it could be like. How different it would be if I had just said a few simple words. I looked at certain people who I have hurt, mentally. The people that have gain bad impressions of me, just because of the way I acted around others. I give them my apologizes. I was judgmental, paranoid, and mainly a douche to the eyes of everyone who didn't agree with me.

This morning I asked myself things I haven't thought seriously of since the 8th grade. About...death. At that time, for hours I spent wondering to myself what would happen in that unfortunate event. Some would cry; understandable. Some would laugh; even more understandable. Some wouldn't care, and others would. I told myself the only reason why some would care is just because I have known them long enough for them to deal with who I was, or what I had become. I was in a mental state of disrepair. My mind was rejecting anything and everything positive I had tried to think of. I only saw darkness, pain, rejection, and hatred. My paranoia has never ran that wildly before...and this morning as I lay there, for 3 and a half hours, I re-thought everything I could do to stop it. Stop the hatred, the false beliefs, the lies. I thought that only death could bring me that. I was terrified at myself for even thinking it, but I didn't care.

But this is when I had figured it out, what had awoken me. I was at school, still in that mental state, thinking how bad the day was going to be when I sat at my usual spot at the breakfast table. Automatically my friends knew something was wrong. I told them I was fine but they knew me too well to know I was lying. They had noticed. Cared. Even the people who I had thought were annoying and immature showed concern. I looked around, and immediately smiled. Not because I was magically happy all of a sudden, but because I realized that no matter how many obstacles came my way, there is always a way to get around them. I didn't tell them my thoughts in fear of someone around over hearing me and saying something stupid, but I did keep in mind that I'm not as hated as I thought I was. Throughout the day I got better and better. My mind was being uplifted by everyone around me, even the people who I had sought to stay away from because of the judgmental mind I had blindly used to portray myself as something better, just because I was different and raised differently that modern society sees. From now on, I wont pretend to be someone else just to get attention. From now on I will work for what I want. From now on I must realize that no one is perfect, and no one will be. I will try and be that person who I was...the kind hearted, fun loving person I once was. I can only hope that I won't succumb to the low levels of what I had grown to be morally opposed to, and I know now that I have friends who have my back if for some reason I do.  From now on, I'm going to be me. All of me. And that's all I can be, successfully.

Thank you to all my friends who will never leave my side along the road of life, you are much appreciated. I apologize to all the people I may have hurt, and hope you accept.
To my family, I love you all.

Until next time, Isaac.

Just A Brother

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

------------------Andrew Kucewicz

Today I didn't wake up until about  12:00. I sat on my laptop talking to people and one of the girls I like gets on. We talk like we usually do and I am getting so into this person, and in my eyes she was into me. I finally worked up the courage to ask if she does, and it turned out that she didn't. Apparently I'm like a "brother" to her. These words have been following me since I started liking girls. Just about every single girl I've asked out said that to me. How am I just a "brother?" Is it because I'm actually nice? That I'm not some screw up kid? Is it because I'm not a douche to the  people I care about? Why would I want to be? It's mind numbing, how I can have a great friendship with someone who I can see is special, and I end up being just a "Brother."

There isn't all too much I have to say today. All I did was play games and talk to people, since it has been raining all day. At the moment I'm frustrated, so I'm going to just leave it like it is and write a better post tomorrow.

Until tomorrow, Isaac

Zeitgeist

"Taken cumulatively, the integration of the world as a  whole, particularly in terms of economic globalization and the mythic qualities of "free market" capitalism, represents a veritable "empire" in its own right. Few have been able to escape the "structural adjustments" and "conditionalities" of the World Bank, The International Monetary Fund, or the arbitrations of the World Trade Organization, those international financial institutions that, however inadequate, still determine what economic globalization means. Such is the power of globalization that within our lifetime we are likely to see the integration, even if unevenly, of all national economies in the world into a single global, free market system."

----------Jim Garrison

Today wasn't too much of a day of interest. I got up, and played on my computer and Xbox for a few hours before leaving my room to start my day. I spent the majority of the day with a good friend of mine, who is here now, staying the night. But I do have things to talk about. 

First of all, I am not all too good. Sure, I may have that attitude of myself being different of the people around me, who I and many others consider to be "morally wrong,"  but I make mistakes like everyone else, in fact almost just as much as regular people. There are some things that I am ashamed of. Things that I would take back, and do over. I am sure everyone has something like that, and that I am not the only one. Sometimes I think that my judgement on myself may be incorrect due to some of my actions, yet everything I write on my page is coming straight out of my mind and what I think and feel. It's almost as if sometimes I become another person, unknowingly. I wouldn't say I'm "complicated," but on the other hand, if I wasn't there wouldn't be a point of me being human. Everyone is complicated in there own way, it's the reason why there are so may conflicts. It's the reason why we feel what we feel and "know" what we "know." So yes, I admit that I make mistakes, and greatly regret them, but so does everyone else. 

Second of all, in no relation to the first topic, there is something that really gets me frustrated. You may have taken note that in recent posts, I have been talking about something that may have to do something about a relationship, mainly girls. They are my one weakness. As I made clear, I am single, and that doesn't  look like it will change soon. This is what I feel about relationships: I am a person of kindness. Forgiving. Determination. I am also slightly judgmental, and paranoid all the time. Typical guy traits. I guess the main reason why I am weak relationship wise is not only the fact I am different from the average "popular guy" or "bad boy," but I feel the need to share my life with someone. A need for recognition by someone who understands me, which, sadly,  may make me just as much as a conformist as most other people are. But then again, who doesn't want that one person who makes them happy? Even the mentally insane have someone, imaginary or not, that brings feelings, real feelings, into their lives, why can't we?  I don't want it to sound like I am desperate, although I guess my actions may state that I am.

Third and foremost, in no or very little relation to the other two topics, is about the other person. There is a certain act, that I have seen commonly amongst others, especially others who I consider to be special or important. You may have noticed it as well. Let me use an example:

"Hey, you. You are looking very pretty."
"No, I'm not, I'm ugly."

  Did you see it? I'm sure that you have had the same, or similar conversation with another person before, being on one side or on the other. This is something that I notice, and instantly become confused, and slightly angry. Really, why do people say that? "No I'm not, I'm ugly." It makes no sense. Obviously not, if someone is giving you a compliment about something completely opposite. I don't know, I guess it's the rejection of something positive that I see in this scenario. I am not sure what it is supposed to mean, or why someone would think of themselves in a negative way. I try my hardest to make the people special to me as happy as possible, even being happier than me. Why? Because the people I tend to consider special to me; and that isn't a very long list, mind you, deserves it as much, if not more than I do. 

That were my thoughts during this uneventful day. Please, I would love to know what you think of one, two, or even all of these opinions.  I would like to know your point of view. 

So, until tomorrow, Isaac. 

Collin Ending Parenthesis

"Did you find what you were looking for?"
"No, my reflection was in the way."

-------conversation between my friend and I.  

Today I woke up at around 6:40-ish and did my morning routine before laying back down 'till 7:20 and getting up to leave for the bus stop. I finally found my iPod the other day so I was mainly listening to Rage Against the Machine since I had one of their songs stuck in my head this morning. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who always has music playing in his head all day, iPod or not. Music is probably my second most personal favorite thing, next to sleeping. I'm known for bursting out into song a lot more often than usual. But I grew up listening to old school music, not so much into Crunk or Techno all too much, I'm more of a Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, and Aerosmith kind of person. I do love Linkin Park though, as I have already explained. Which leaves me to my first question of the day; What is music to you? Is it an escape? An opening? Tell me your thoughts, I don't do this for myself. I want the opinions of others. Not that I care too much of what people think of me, but I do find it interesting what people think in general.

Anyway, I went to school and sat down at breakfast and talked to my friends until the bell rang. I've been doing that same routine since the 7th grade, and none of my friends from then are the ones I sit with now. My mother always said that my old friends will eventually leave except for a certain few, and I will get new ones. I used to hate hearing that, thinking that having friends is pointless if that's what is really going to happen. But now I realized it;s not because friends come and go, but true friends stay. I have only 3 friends that I still talk to on a regular basis, and known since 5th grade or earlier. I guess my mom was right.

First period, I caught up with a day and a half worth of work in 45 minutes, and turned it in just as everyone else was. Then played games for the rest of the period. Second period was the peak of my day, as far an interesting goes. I was told that there was a big pile of trash in the tool room, and I had to put it in a trash can and take it out to the dumpster by the back of the building. I was happy to do this, it was a free 10 minutes of doing something simple without sitting in a classroom. I go to the tool room and find the pile of trash my teacher was talking about. it was mainly old cardboard and things he had pulled out of all the lockers that students in past years had forgotten. I look down and I see that in the pile there is a perfectly good pair of mahogany Chuck Taylors Converses, with skulls on the lip. I couldn't believe someone was going to throw them away, they were awesome. I mainly say this because for about 4 to 5 years of my life I wore Chucks every single day, so they feel great on my feet. It was only this year I started to wear tennis shoes again, which is why I was so happy to find a free pair of perfectly good Chucks that looked pretty nice. I kept them and wore them around school, putting my other converses in my book bag. They were a perfect fit, so I was happy about that.

In third period I did my work as usual, nothing too special. Lunch was fun, I got to sit with some good friends and gave someone another back massage. Like last time, she loved it. Fourth period I sat there and played games for half the time, and got most of my work done, just like everyone else. When I got home I told my mom about the shoes I had received and then went to a friends house. I came back at 7:30-ish and ate dinner and a little bit of Jello afterward. I went to my room and popped in my Linkin Park CD like I have been since I got it last week. I can safely say I've listened to this album about 15-20 times, and it still hasn't gotten old. Thats the sign of a great album. Eventually I got around to writing this and talking to friends via Facebook. So I guess that's it for today, as always, leave your comments below and answer the question of the day: What is music to you? I would love to hear what other people have to say.

Until tomorrow, Isaac

Make A Wish

Build a man a fire he’s warm for a day, set him on fire and he’s warm the rest of his life.

--------Andrew Kucewicz

Last night I stayed up 'till about 3 playing Halo Reach mainly because I had nothing better to do and I wanted to beat the campaign. After that, I talked to my friend in Hawaii again and eventually went to sleep. I woke up at 6:36 and got up to take a shower. I had noticed that my parents weren't home. It wasn't until I was in the shower that I realized that my mother was in the hospital for her chemo therapy. Yes, my mother has cancer, and it's terminal too. At the moment she's doing well, a lot better than other cancer patients. Her tumors aren't growing and her medication keeps her pain away. I remember the day my mom told me she had cancer. 

I was in the 7th grade. Life was almost perfect in every sense. I had friends, a girl to crush on, good grades, and my family was there for me. Thinking about it now, I feel the same way today. I remember coming home and my parents weren't there. They came back a few hours later and they told me the news. I was shocked. I was so young I didn't know how to feel. Just the very thought of loosing my mother...It crushed me. She has done so much for me, more than that of which normal mothers would do. I know this for a fact, seeing the way other mothers react to their children. I'm not saying that all other moms out there are bad, but my mother went the extra mile, pushed me to be who I am today. Those who remember could tell you that I was in a deep state of depression. I hardly talked to anyone or did anything. I started getting in trouble in school more often, I socially cut myself away from everyone. I have an old friend named Aaron to thank for bringing me back up from that state. He was the first one to stick up for me when I was getting bullied or messed with in middle school, which happened a lot by the way. Now, I have grown to live with the fact that my mom has terminal cancer. I help as much as I can around the house and everywhere else we go. 

Back on subject (I guess), I went to school and found something interesting in my 2nd period collision repair class; A flare. Yes, a flare, as in those fiery things that army men used to wave around when they wanted to be found. It was made in 1971, so it was pretty old. I had found 3 of them, I had took one and a friend of mine took another. We kept the third one there, in the trunk of the car we had found them in. I tapped the fuse down so it would not light in my pocket. I took it home and put it in my dresser having every intention on setting it off during the weekend, just for some fun. Besides for school, I didn't really do anything but play Halo some more and talk to a certain special someone. Well, two certain special someones, just one more than the other. I guess I wasn't all to productive today. As usual, try to leave a comment and what not. 

Until next time, Isaac

Lucid Dreams

"I know that your having a rough time, but you dont have to face this alone. I am there for you, and that will never change. I will be with you through every step of life, and even though things may make it seem like you cant move on, and when your hanging by a thread, I will hold out my hand, and risk everything to bring you back up. So dont loose hope, for there will always be bigger and brighter stars ahead. The thing that you need to think of is the things that are always there. The people that you love, and love you...like me. So take take that step ahead. Keep climbing, because it will all be worth it in the end. And you will look back on this moment and smile at how simple it was, even though it doesnt seem like that now. And the most important thing is that I will be there as well, smiling with you."


-----------Yours truly, Isaac




There is something interesting about me, that not to many people know. It's not a big secret, I just have yet to find myself in a conversation that calls for this information. I am a lucid dreamer. For those of you who don't know, here's basically what that means. A lucid dreamer is basically a person who can control their dreams a lot more than regular people can. Why is that? Some say its a trait, and I may have to agree, since everyone on my mothers' side of the family is a lucid dreamer. But really, anyone can do it, if they try. The way you can control your dream is simple: realize your dreaming, and have a clear mind. For Lucid dreamers like me, that first part is already done for us. The second part is just as hard, but if done correctly, you can do whatever you want, literally, and remember everything when you wake up. It's truly an amazing thing, to do anything you want with anyone at any time you sleep. It's one of my favorite things to do, is sleeping, mainly because my dream world is better. 


But that doesn't mean that we lucid dreamers have nightmares, not at all. In fact, I personally think that lucid nightmares are worse. Here is why; A regular person has a dream about something random, and normally forgets it the morning they wake up. A lucid dreamers dreams dig deeper into the sub-conscience than that of a normal person. To be more specific, a normal lucid dreamers dreams are about the current life of the dreamer. And for a normal person, a nightmare is a dream that portrays ones fears and unleashes them on the dreamer; Normally about pain or horror, like a monster or serial killer, or maybe even falling to death. Death. Thats one of the things that separates a lucid nightmare from a regular nightmare. Lucid nightmares aren't about death. They are better than that. They dig to your deeper, inner thoughts, and uses them against you. Basically, lucid dreams are more about your personal feelings. They find that one person, that person you love dearly, that person closest to you...well, lets just say it's heart breaking and nerve wracking to watch. 


Last night, I had a lucid nightmare. It is far too horrible to even say...just thinking about it sickens me. Not only because of what happened was completely terrible, but just having that thought in my brain, those mental pictures...It
s sickening that I would even have something like that in my head.  I told myself that it was just a dream, and it would never happen...but that's the thing about lucid nightmares: you can always expect something similar to happen. And just the thought of it makes me sick. The last time I had lucid nightmares, it ended up coming true. Not exactly the way it had portrayed, but it was similar. I would drive up to my Ex's house, not seeing her for years, excited to see her, and I come to find her with someone else. In real life, I didn't drive anywhere, I didn't even see her. But I did find out she was with someone else, and it was just as heart breaking as the nightmares I had. 


But this lucid nightmare was different. It was certainly a first experience, not even I know what it means. I woke up at 6:30, my mom was behind me with the door open and the hallway light on, telling me it was time to wake up, like she normally did. I got up and talked with her for a few seconds before the strangest thing happened...I woke up again. This time at 6:03. I sat there almost crying at the images that I had seen, afraid and confused, and above all, paranoid. 


After convincing myself that it was only a dream, I got in the shower to begin my day. 


School was none-the-less boring and uneventful. I just did my work, slept, did my work, slept, did my work, ate, did my work and left. At home, I jumped on my computer to find that special someone who my nightmare had been about was online. I talked to her, pretending to be happy. I talked to her as much as I could, and I felt better after I did. After she got off, I said the normal "I love you" and she said it back. If only she knew that when I say I love you I mean it more than she anticipates, but I don't complain. I'm lucky to even have someone like her in my life. I listened to my Linkin Park CD another 3 times, and slept at 7, waking up at 8:13. And now, I'm writing this. Today, I thought the quote of the day I put up would be appropriate, because not only was it me who said that, but I said it to that special person. And It's a promise I hope to keep, and I will try my hardest to keep it true.  


So, until tomorrow, Isaac. 

Ex's and Oh's

"When Life Leaves Us Blind, Love Keeps Us Kind"
----Chester Bennington




Last night I stayed up 'till about 4 in the morning. It's probably going to be the same tonight since I'm getting into a habit of sleeping when I come home from school. While I was awake I decided to talk to a really good friend of mine, who had moved to Hawaii a few years back. It had been a while since we had talked; mostly because for the past few months every time I tried to talk to her she was in a bad mood. But last night (technically this morning) was different. We joked, laughed, and made each other feel special, or at least thats what I had felt. She's an amazing person, like a sister to me.

I slept for 2 and a half hours then woke up, took a shower, brushed my teeth and what such. After getting dressed I immediately fell back asleep, and woke up at 7:31. Luckily I was able to make it to the bus stop in time, before sitting down in the silence for 10 minutes as we were driven to school. I went to breakfast like I normally did, and sat there completely too tired to say hardly anything. The kid next to me had a hangover and the girl next to me was talking to her friend across the table.

Today, school was uneventful to me. All day my mind was somewhere else, although I had acted like I was full on focus just so I wouldn't get in trouble by my teachers. 1st period, I day dreamed while almost blindly taking my quiz. I did the same thing 2nd period. 3rd period I attempted to pay attention, but I couldn't. I just did whatever she told me to do and had my group copy it so they could feel smart when they got their 100. At lunch I sat with the usual people, and talked with them about random useless things. When 4th period came around, I did the same; did my work without anything being said, and to be honest, with hardly any effort. My mind was taking me over. Constant images of "What if's" played through my head as if it were a movie. I don't know how to explain it, I guess I was just lost in my imagination. Things I want to happen. Things I can only wish could happen. All of it was the same: Love.

I came home and took my nap from 5 to 7 as usual. When I woke up I had left overs for dinner and went back to my room. I spend most of my time in here, since there hasn't been a decent time to go outside and "play" since the 90's. It's like everyone I grew up with just disappeared. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I never went back to California. My life was completely terrible there, nothing good came out of the 3 years we lived there. I wonder if I would be happier or worse. But I guess everything has to happen for a reason, right? No one is for sure.

I was scrolling through face book when all of a sudden a certain someone got on; one of my childhood friends. I haven't talked to her in years, besides for the occasional hello every few months. Seeing that smiley face icon told me that she still was my friend, none the less, and it will aways be that way. I was feeling happy, for the first time today.

I had decided to talk to my Ex, which always seems to be a terrible idea. I don't know how she feels anymore, because every time I talk to her I just can't help but remember what we used to have. Up until this moment I had thought I had moved on...but she said something to me. I'm not going to say what it was, but when she said it, it tore my heart into pieces. I was thinking that I had moved on, but talking to her and finding out that I was never enough, even when I tried my hardest, and I never had a chance...it was heart breaking. A part of me just wanted to scream and ask why. Ask her about the past...tell her that...after all that had been between us...I still have feelings for her. And it kills me that every time I have ever had feelings for someone the same thing happens: we split apart.

I'm sorry for the massive amounts of emoness on the page, I'm just speaking what I feel. I hope to one day find that person who wont leave me behind, but I guess school  is all I'm going to have to look forward to until then. So, I guess thats all I have to say about today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I guess theres only one way to find out.

Until tomorrow, Isaac.

Monday...School

"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if its right, and they're real lucky. One of them will say something."


----- Andrew Kucewicz


Today was a bit more productive than yesterday. After getting up and showering and all that what such, I headed out the door with nothing but a phone in my pocket and a 35 pound book bag on my bag filled with useless junk. I made it to my bus stop in about 5 minutes and stood and talked to a few friends of mine about things i don't remember. The bus to school was just as fun as sitting on a bus going to school. I think my day turned a little but interesting when I was walking to the line for breakfast. You see, I am part of an after school program that ties in with the engineering academy that I'm into, called FIRST Robotics. Starting January, we get a kit of parts and an objective to do. Then over a 6 week period, we build a robot that fits the needs to that objective. On my way to the breakfast line, I was approached by Ms. Johnson, the leader of the academy and th robotics team. She told me that she wanted me to be in charge of the website this year. This made me happy, since my past two years I wasn't really assigned a permanent job. Then again, I was always trying to work with the electrical department, since thats the engineering field that I plan to get into after college. But I'm not complaining, it's an important job. If I do it well, we may get a certain award that will allow us a third trip, and everyone loves that. I have been thinking about it and I may have some excellent ideas to make our website one of a kind. 


After I had my talk with Ms. Johnson I went to breakfast and talked to a really good friend of mine, whom I spoke of in my last blog entry. I started out by yelling her name unnecessarily loud and hugging her tight, because thats the kind of person I am. We sat and talked with some of our other friends and when the bell rang I walked with her until we got to the stairs. I gave her one last hug and a knuckle touch ('Cause thats how I roll) before heading off to my first period. 


Nothing really happened all too much throughout the school day. A quiz in Computer Apps, one of the easiest classes ever. Apparently something had happened that morning and we were on code yellow lock down for an extra 30 minutes, so I just sat there on my computer playing games because I had nothing better to do.  I got to fit some sleep into second period, which is my Auto  Repair class. We haven't done one thing in that class yet, just sit and talk about cars really. Third period (US History) is always fun, because the teacher in that class actually knows how to teach, despite it being her first year here. Just the fact that lunch is during that period makes it a plus. 


Lunch was cool, I sat next to some awesome girls that I usually hang out with, because most of the guy friends I have either have another lunch or go to a different school. After a long debate on the insanity of the kids around us, we had gotten up and one of the girls I had sat with was talking about how every guy who has ever gave her a back massage did it wrong, and I had bet her that I could do it well, since ever once in a while I massage my moms back when it hurts and she always seems to like it. When she let me rub her back I could immediately tell the liked it. She told me that I should come to her house every Saturday and give her a back rub. We laughed and joked around until the bell rang and we headed off to class again. 


Fourth period was  exciting, mainly because it's my engineering class. We had learned about the 3 different types f gates that go into circuits: AND, OR, and Inverter. After discussing about what they do and what not, we had jumped on the computer and did an exercise online and talked amongst ourselves until the bell rang for our release. 


The bus ride home was just as fun as it was this morning. After getting home I listened to my Linkin Park CD and took a nap, which is why I'm still awake at this moment. Overall, it was a pretty good day. I have no idea what tomorrow will be like, and I guess theres only one way to find out. So, as always, leave your comments below about the quote of the day, and don't ask who it was who said that, because it was a friend of mine who did and he's not all too famous. 


Until tomorrow, Isaac. 

Sunday Machines

"There's a time, when the operation of the machine becomes so odious.
Makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part,
You can't even passively take part.
And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears 

and upon the wheels,
Upon the levers,
Upon all the apparatus. And you've got to make it stop!
And you've got to indicate to the people, run in to the people on it.
And unless you're free, the machine will be prevented "

-----Mike Shinoda

Today, I stayed at my friends house until 4:30. I woke up to the noise of his doorbell ringing; it was his mothers aid (She is disabled). I lazily laid there thinking of the night before, and eventually I got up and started to mess around on my computer. I didn't really do anything productive today, mostly played Halo Reach. But I did talk to an amazing friend today. She was one of the ones who inspired me to make this blog. Today, I found out more about her than I have ever did before, and realized she is an amazing, strong willed girl, and I like that in a person. She trusted me with a part of her past, something I'm not going to ever say to anyone, because of my feelings of trustworthy. I have grown to know this person a lot more than I have ever thought I would get to, and it makes me feel happy knowing that there are people out there, people in my generation, who I can get, and who can get me. Someone I can feel proud of. 

After getting home, I set my things down, did a few chores that my mom told me to do, and headed off to another friends house, one who lives a lot closer. We did nothing but play games and discus how recent life is going. After about an hour or so, I left for home, had some dinner, and headed to my room for the rest of the night. Again, I talked to that special person, and got to have some laughs and smiles. she eventually went to sleep,and I had decided to work on this post. 

So, there you have it. I hardly did anything today except talk to someone who makes me smile, which is enough for me. So, as always, leave your opinions about the quote of the day, what you think it means, and what such. 

Until tomorrow, Isaac.

My Thoughts on a Typical Saturday

"I come to this magnificent house of worship tonight, 

Because my conscience leaves me no other choice. 

A true revolution of values will lay hands on the world order and say of war: 

This way of settling difference is not just. 

This business of burning human beings with napalm, 

Filling our nation's homes with orphans and widows, 

Of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into veins of people normally humane. 

Of sending men home from the dark and bloody battlefields 

physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, 

Cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice and love." 

---Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Today, I heard this quote for the first time. For some reason, it touched me. I have no idea why, but I sorta felt as if...I knew exactly what he was trying to say. It's a weird feeling, I guess you would have to hear it as well to understand what I felt when I heard it. Why I wanted to post this quote is for this reason; What do you think it means? I have my ideas, but I want to hear what you guys think. But this is just a side note. 

Today, I woke up at 7:44, having to be at work at 8:30. When I got there, just in time, I took my spot at the life gurd tower and did my job. I was told that I had to guard fom 9:00 to 1:00, because the Fayetteville swim team will be getting lessons from a professional swimmer who participated in the Olympics. No, not Miachel Phelps, one of the other American swimmers. Anyway, I got to eave work early today. Why? Well, this man was evidently paid $5000 to come down to NC to do Swimming lessons for a day, but he decided that he only wanted to stay for an hour. The kids didn't mind too much, they were happy for the fact that they had met someone famous, but still, I thought that was a sort of crappy thing to do. This man is looked up towards, and not only was he given the chance to share his knowledge with younger people, he was getting paid for it. And basically, he took the money and barely did anything, except made them swim for an hour and give them a few tips. Sure, it was an alright lesson, but don't you think he could've taken a little more pride in his opertunity to inspire younger people who want to be like him? I don't know, I guess I may be over thinking it a little too much. 

On the way home, my mom brought up the subject about a girl that she knew I liked. I told her that we were barley talking anymore because she doesn't get the chance to get online anymore because she is grounded. It was at that point my mother told me that I should maybe keep my distance from her, make her come to me. This was interesting to me, since I'm not known for keeping my distance at all. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, but when it comes to people I care about, I don't give up on them. I guess that's just another one of my perspectives on how I should be towards people I care about. But, thinking about it, I guess my mother is right, I know that I can trust her advice, she's never steered me wrong before. 

After getting home I got a text from one of my best friends, whome I havn't hung out with in a while. He wanted to know if I could stay over, so of course I said yes and eventually got there. Right now as I'm typing this I am on his couch while he is talking to his girlfriend. I remember how every Saturday I used to come here and stay over. Every time I come here, even to this day, we walk up to the Wal-Mart 3 miles up the street. While I was there I bought the new Linkin Park CD, "A Thousand Suns." We stopped at McDonalds and then walked all the way back. On the way back, for some reason we had come onto the subject of drugs. My friend and I have the same sort of high tolerance against drugs, and we both talked about how pointless it is to smoke something to make yourself feel happy when you can just cheer up and be positive instead. He told me that out of all his friends that he knows I am the only one who hasn't smoked. For some reason that didn't suprise me. I know only a handful of people who doesn't, and honestly if I found out any of my friends did start I would probably punch them really hard and make them start. I'm not saying that I don't have friends who do, I know plenty of people who smoke and that I consider friends, just not as much as my other friends who don't. I shared my feelings about this topic with someone a few months ago, and she called me "judgemental." She told me "It's their body, they have the right to do what they want with it." And I completely agree with her on that part. I guess I do get a little judgemental about these sort of things, and I understand how some people would get offended by that. Let me make my point clear; I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you smoke weed, I don't hate you, but it kind of makes me upset that someone who has the same opertunities at life that I do just open themselves up to something pointless and unnecessary. But I'm not saying I'm like some sort of pure "Don't do drugs" kind of person, not at all. I mean, I'm not going to pretend that I have never thought about it, and the countless opportunities that have sprung up for me to try it. But I guess I have that sort of mindset that just completely blocks out all thoughts about it, and it's very easy for me to say no. Again, I think  it's just the wy I was raised. Thank you mom. 

So, in conclusion, I just had a normal Saturday. Again, tell me what you think about that quote, or anything that I have brought up in partiular, because I'm not doing this for my own entertainment, I'm doing for anyone who wants to listen. This would all be for nothing if no one puts thier own opinion out the way I am. 

My First Post

Hello those of you who are reading. I'm glad you made it to my page. Allow me to introduce myself; My name is Isaac. No last name for internet safety reasons, I'm sure you guys understand. I felt like I am a sort of different 17 year old. Every day I take a look around me and I notice things about my generation that almost makes me sad. I'm not saying I'm a perfect kid, far from it. No one is completely perfect.

My life at school is okay, I guess. I have a set of friends and enemies, just as everyone else. I think what differs me from the rest of my peers is that I was raised a little differently than others. I have lesbian parents, not the "traditional" mom and dad. To be honest, I think they have done an excellent job at raising me, and my parents' friends seem to agree as well. But sometimes I look at how my peers around me act, and react to what's around them, and some of it is shocking, to me at least.

At school I am neither popular nor unpopular, I think. I guess thats why my social life isn't all too great. But it's better than some other kids I know. Sometimes I feel sort of sad for some of the kids I have come across. Pot heads, gang members, and kids who are border-line insane just surround me every day. I've been asked countless times if I smoke weed or drink. I tell them no, that I don't and I have a big tolerance for it. I understand that weed and alcohol can make one feel good, but my life is already happy, and I don't need something artificially made to make me feel that way. Especially something that will end up harming my body in the long run.

I'm not saying all kids I know are like this, not at all. Some of the kids I have met are actually very intelligent. And I'm not claiming that I'm any smarter either. But the way my generation is turning out may not be for the best, trough my eyes at least. Throughout the course of my not too long life, I have come to learn many things about people. I've always had some sort of...understanding. It's almost as if I have always been able to read peoples emotions, and sometimes see right through their lies and even get them to tell the truth. I have done it plenty of times. I hold a lot of secrets about the people I know, and I've always kept them locked up. In my point of view, being trustworthy is one of the most important things someone can be.

My relationship status isn't anywhere near that of a typical high school teenage boy. I've only ever had one real girlfriend. It was a long distance relationship, so already you can tell it didn't work out well. But she was a lot to me, and being my first love, 6 months of being with someone halfway across the country isn't too bad. Since then I've been single but open to relationships, but as always, no one seems to be interested in a person like me. It doesn't bother me too much, I have a goal in life, and friends to talk to that keep me busy.

As we all know, whether we like it or not, everyone has a label in high school. I have yet to hear mine, which is kind of funny since I'm a Jr. I've been called many things ranging from "Awesome" to "Faggot" but I don't let these words stick to me, since I'm the only person who knows to the full extent who I am. And being so, I've decided to give myself my own label. Judging by my point of view of others' points of views, I've taken it upon myself to be known as "That Kid."

That kid, who doesn't smoke, drink, or go around having sex with a bunch of girls just for the heck of it. That kid who not too many really knows about. That kid who does all of his work in class, and sleeps as if it were nothing. That kid who doesn't socialize with too may people. Pretty much, I'm just that kid. If you know me, you like me, and if you don't, you don't. But then again, that's from my perspective.